Sunday, 19 May 2013

Different but same

{I used Grammarly to grammar check this post.}
Do you treat your children differently?
Well, recently, i discovered (much to my dismay) that my answer is 'yes'. Some of the examples of how i treat them distinctively different:
1) Whenever Sonshine falls or makes a mistake, my immediate reaction is to fault him, question his ability or reprimanding him with-'what is WRONG with you?'. But if doll makes the same mistake, i respond differently. Sometimes i'd laugh it off & think her mistakes are just cute or hilarious. Most of the time, i am more forgiving towards her.
2) I get hot angry when Sonshine complains that he does not how to do something which i deem easy. Or during our home learning, he gives me the wrong answer despite me explaining to him countless times. Again, i question why he can't get it right. BUT, with doll, when she gives me the 'i don't know' look or gives me the wrong answers, i pat her for her effort or give her a nice hug and tell her (and myself) 'it's ok'.
Needless to say, i am horrified that my responses to each child are adversely different. I search my heart and am quite sure it is not like i favour one child over the other. In fact, if anything, i think my heart thugs more for Sonshine. Yet, i am perplexed why i treat him so harshly as compared to his 2 year old sister. But after some thoughts, i think it is largely due to the age factor amongst other things.
Sonshine is 6 years old this year and i guess, i have unknowingly placed expectations on him. Expectations that i think a 6 year old boy should be. In my mind, he is considered an 'old' kid and he should have enough senses and wisdom of a 6 year old. So i clamp down hard on him whenever he falls short of my expectations. On the other hand, doll, in my eyes, is still a baby. She is still helpless in most ways and her thoughts, immature. Hence, i am more patient with her. But i have clearly forgotten that a 6 year old is still but a child. A child who has much to learn. He is not an adult. Even if he is an adult, he is but a human with faults. It is unfair that i disallow him to falter one bit. :(
I think it is quite a natural trend for us parents. When our kids are infants, toddlers, we think of their every action, right or wrong as cute or forgivable. We are more lenient and patient with them because we understand that they are still infantile in their ways and thoughts. But as the child grows older, we become less tolerant, we demand unreasonably more from them and place too high an expectations on them. I feel rather sad that i no longer coo or go 'oooh, aaah' at Sonshine's ways. I miss the days when he was just a toddler and when i was more easy going & patient with him. But now, i am often too quick to reprimand him for being childish and demand that he grows up faster than he should.
Whatever the reason, it is a wake up call for me. It hit me hard that my reaction to each child is unfairly different. Although Sonshine hasn't complain nor feel that i love him any lesser but it is time for me to be more conscious about the way i handle  Sonshine. 6 years old or 2 years old, boy or girl, I need to cut him some slack and acknowledge that he is still a child just like his baby sister. That i should give him room to learn and that he needs more time. In essence, i should bestow to him the same patience and leniency i give to babydoll. Although he is older & different than doll but he is still a juvenile afterall, same as doll. 

1 comment:

  1. Yeah. I go through this too. But I have higher expectations of the younger 4 year old since he shows much maturity and capability that I often forget that he is only 4 year old. I am more tolerant of my elder girl but when she goes too far, the volcano will burst too.