Just Play and Learn

Every holiday, my kids get to play their hearts out be it locally or overseas. This June holiday, it is no exception. Although we didn't travel too far this time, they still played like there's no tomorrow. We hardly did any studying yet, they learnt a lot purely by playing.

 

Kids pretending to be construction workers... I couldn't but help hear 'Bob the builder! Can we fix it? Yes, we can!' ringing in my ears as I watch them, LOL!

The kids learnt aplenty during their visit to Kidszania. I adore it's play concept! The kids earned money 'working' as a professional and spent as they buy services. The kids learned to ration their dollars, made decisions if they want to splurge or save etc. At the same time, they gained insights on how the various professional work their part. All that learning in one place! 

It makes me wonder how learning would be if we remove the rigidity of the classroom and restructure it like Kidszania? Where each classroom focuses on a specific concept. Imagine, the school would be a one stop learning center where the kids learn hands on and apply on the go. Imagine every point is a learning center where they learn math through counting their dollars. There would be no shortage of science learning with learning laboratories like say, a chocolate 'factory' or 'hospitals' with perhaps occasional appearance of real doctors.

And how would they learn language? They would learn how to converse as a professional or as customer everyday. (Versus in the classroom where communication is purely one way) I saw how Sonshine was 'forced' to speak to the others (something he is reluctant to do) as he work through jobs like postman and courier services. Whereas at school, he keeps quiet because as he claims they are not allowed to talk during lessons AND in between lessons (least the monitor writes their names on the board).

And oh the life skills they would pick up along the way! All encompass in one place, all through play! Imagine what fun learning would be!

Taken during our visit to Kids Stop

As I watched Doll play at Kids Stop, I saw how she picked up social and life skills all through play. She learnt that resources are scare (baskets at the supermarket, brushes at the dinosaurs fossils etc) and she better hold on to them or risk having them taken away. (That's the reality of life isn't it?) At the same time, she understood that the resources are limited so she learnt to wait for her turn (instead of snatching) & better yet, let others have a turn. I saw many times over how she willingly passed on her items to the next child when they politely asked of her. You can imagine my pride! She learnt to exert her stand whenever someone tried to snatched her items from her. She learnt to find alternatives when other kids took over her place. She learnt to be confident and approach the right people when she needs help. She learnt to communicate with her peers and form friendships. All these valuable lessons learnt just by playing and imagining.

 

We had a blast at Legoland water park!

At play, the children get to explore, create without restrictions and without limited time frame. But in the classroom, they are expected to create a perfectly composed writing or complete a worksheet in all but an hour or even less. At play, there is no right, no wrong. They learn naturally what works and what doesn't. There is no grading, the child is not told he's one mark shy of his classmate. Instead, his every unique creation is celebrated and awed. I love how play sets the children free physically, mentally and emotionally.

 

 

Play sets the children free. Not only them, but us parents too. I found myself more liberated during holidays than school terms. There were no strict routine to follow. The kids and I could wake up any time we want, go any where we want, do anything we want and sleep anytime we want. Best of all, we choose what we want to learn and not be dictated what we should learn. At play, I never scold Sonshine for a careless mistake or pushed him to work harder. On the contrary, at play there are bountiful praises, proud moments and laughter.

 

It is no wonder that experts strongly advocate the children to play. This June I have witnessed how Sonshine and Doll easily picked up social, life and cognitive skills. Learning is less boxed up instead it is more varied and relevant to real life. I can see how the kids can become more prepared for their adulthood simply through play. How awesome it would be if our schools were organized in such fashion like Kidszania. I've no doubt that the children will learn and absorb more than being confined to a table, chair, and four walls.

 

The June holidays are ending and I hate that that signals to the end of free play. Rigid routine would set in and there will be more paper chasing which means more yelling and crying. How utterly meaningless! If only schooling is about play. If only schools were more like a playground. If only the authorities would let go and trust that our children will excel even through play. How different schooling would be? I can only imagine. I hope to keep this state of mind even as the school term starts, but knowing me, I know I'd surely get sucked into the day to day pressures. Oh well, I can only look forward to the next holiday and relish the memories I have of this June holidays.

 

How to raise an independent primary school kid

I was humbled to be invited by The Domain of Singapore Tutoring Experts to contribute an article on raising a Primary school kid. You may find the article here. (Note: I did not contribute the photo in the article)

 

I am reproducing the article here, with permission.

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When Sonshine started his primary school journey, I promised myself that I will raise him up to be an independent and self motivated student. I can't say I am there yet. But I have told myself to let go of him a little more with every passing term, semester and year. The first two to three years are the best years to train them as they are considered fairly new to the system. Therefore any mistakes they commit is tolerable and lots of grace is showered upon them. Hence, in my view, there's no better time to instill independence in them than the first two to three years of primary school life.

 

But how do we train our children to take ownership of their school work? I'm no expert but here are some areas we can work on based on my own experiences.

1. School bag

Teach your child to pack his own bag. This is the basics of basics and the simplest task of them all. Don't do it for your child, teach him how to do it. For the first few times, watch and guide him along. During the first few weeks or term, check to make certain that he packs his bag properly.

Once you are happy with his performance, let him do it himself without any help or checking from you. But what if he forgets to pack an important book that he needs the next day? You can remind him but occasionally let him go to school without that book. Let him learn the consequences. As a principal once said: 'what's the worse that can happen? Get scolding only what!' As I said before, at Primary 1 and 2, the teachers are more forgiving. They understand that these kids still need some guidance. In most circumstances some grace will therefore be extended to them. That's why this is the best time for the child to make mistakes and learn from them.

2. Let your child be your informant

With the emergence of Whatsapp chat groups for parents, it is easy for us to access information about schoolwork even before our children can get to tell us about it. This is helpful especially when our kids are not paying attention in school. While it is okay to seek help from other parents from time to time, I fear that we may become over reliant on each other at the expense of our children cultivating good habits . Overtime, our children may discover that even if they don't pay attention in class, there is always mummy and daddy to help find out what's missing for them. If we constantly swoop in to save our children from punishment, they will never get to learn to rely on themselves. We must teach our children that the onus is on them to listen in class and jot down clearly what he has to do. It is not our responsibility to go round plugging potholes for them.

I took a drastic step and exited from the parents chat group at the beginning of this year. I knew if I hung in there, I would lose sight of my objective. To give an example, there were a few occasions I found out Sonshine's class was suppose to complete a task from the parents in the chat group yet he had cleanly forgotten about it. Many a time, I caved in and quickly reminded him for fear of him getting punished by the teacher. But looking back, those were perfect opportunities for him to learn about responsibility. With my exit from the chat group, I am less aware of classroom happenings, and as a result he has to become more alert and be on his toes. I also made it a habit not to ask other mothers (whom I am close to) when Sonshine seems unsure what he is suppose to do for any assignment. Often, I would ask him to think harder. If he forgets, too bad. Ultimately he has to discover that this is his school life, not mummy's, not daddy's; ultimately he is the one who receives punishments for the things done incorrectly, not us. He has to step up and take care of himself.

I am not encouraging parents to leave the chat groups. I do see the advantage of being in them. Stay connected by all means but my point is, don't always fall back on others for help, rely more on your child than the other folks. After all, in our parents' time, there was no such thing as mobile messaging! Families didn't exchange phone numbers (well at least not with my folks)! If I recall correctly, my mother had to rely entirely on what I told her about what went on in school; there was no way she could find out if I was being truthful or not. I was completely on my own. If our parents could do it, I don't see why can't we. Use what you have read in the chat group wisely and strategically. Don't always be too quick to to step in to 'save' the child based on the 'extra' information offered in chat groups.

3. Homework

Most schools issue handbooks to the students and they are expected to write down the homework for the day. Instead of rummaging through your child's bag everyday to track of his assigned homework , have your child do it. Teach him to look up his own handbook and how to create a homework check list. Train him to take out his handbook everyday and check what he has to complete for that day. Again, what if he missed out a homework or two? I stand by my usual mantra, occasionally let him go to school with the undone homework and face the music.

If possible, try not to help them with their homework. Allow them to make and submit mistakes. Let them learn. I never believe in handing in perfectly completed homework. I would rather the teacher have a true perception of my child's ability. Sometimes Sonshine would ask me for help. As cruel as it sounds, I always ask him to think harder instead of explaining or giving the answers to him. I rarely help him all the way; at most I'll hand him a dictionary or google some guidelines to help him. I always tell him that I will not be sitting next to him in school during his tests and exams. He has to first try figuring it out on his own. If he gets it wrong, then he has to learn from it and not repeat the same mistake again.

4. Self study

In Primary 1 and 2, it is pretty much a honeymoon period as most would say. School life is pretty easy peasy. Hence, what better time to instill habits like self studying than now? There aren't any major examinations being held. BUT, there are spelling tests every week. Instead of sitting down with your child and going through every letter of every word on the list, why not teach him how to study on his own? Make this a habit so that hopefully by the time he gets to the upper primary level, he would not be adverse to self studying and be equipped with the know how.

5. Let them fail

A friend shared that during the first year of her daughter's schooling, she had a hard time with her daughter when it came to helping her study for her tests and what nots. To the point where both parties got very frustrated. In the end, my friend decided not to help her daughter with her studies any longer. Her child didn't do very well for her tests and felt ashamed of her marks as compared to her friends. Because of that her daughter eventually pulled up her socks, took ownership of her own work and aced the rest of her tests with no help whatsoever from her. To be honest, this is something I simply dare not try. But I do think this is the fastest and easiest way for the child to learn to take responsibility in their work. Of course, it may not work for every child. I know it would have no effect on some students. LOL! Please exercise discretion!

I understand every child is different. Some children need more guidance while there are some who are fiercely independent. I think it is okay and certainly a must to step in if the child cannot seem to cope in class. These suggestions are not hard and fast rules. Only you know your child best, when he really needs your help, when he does not and which areas you can let go of and which not to. There are many other ways and areas we can train them to become truly independent in their school life. Whatever it is, we must be wise in choosing the appropriate timing to render help or simply step aside and watch them falter and learn. My rule of thumb is, if they are capable enough to do it themselves then have them do it without your help.

I cannot say I am there yet. There are many areas where I am still a helicopter parent. I wish I am not. I still cannot but want to micro manage many aspects of his school life. I am still learning to let go and hopefully my above suggestions will help others who are learning too.

Day In A Life

Have you ever been curious how other mothers, be they working or stay home, manage their daily lives? Now it is a chance for you to take a peak into some of our lives. A group of us SMB is on a blog train hosted by the very sweet Justina over at Mum in the making.

And today is my turn to invite you to peer into my typical day.

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5:50am

That's the time my alarm thunder into my ears. I wrestle with myself for the next ten minutes before I finally get down from my bed.

 

 

Soon after a quick wash up, I snail my way to the kitchen to prepare snacks for Sonshine's recess as well as his breakfast. The boys awake and get wash. I police Sonshine to finish his breakfast.

 

 

 

At 645am, my husband is ready to send the boy to school. He goes to work straight after. The minute they leave, I dive right back into bed & get my first (quick) nap of the day! 

8am

My alarm nag me to wake up a second time. This is my most challenging time of the day- dragging the girl out of the bed & preparing her for school. 

15 minutes later, we're off to Doll's school! This marks my first of many exits for the day. 

 

 

 

I return home alone to an exceptionally quiet house. I spend the next 30 minutes doing a myriad of things in heavenly peace. I would be eating my breakfast or listening to worship songs, reading the bible, a book or just surfing the waves on the internet. 

 

 

 

All too soon my day slumps down as I make war in the kitchen and settle my longstanding scores with the chores! 

 

The clock screams at me again, time to make my second exit out of the house. This time to pick Doll up from school. I let her hang around the school for another 30 minutes to play with her buddies.

 

NOON

 

12pm

 

We rush home and I race against the clock to feed Doll her lunch. I've a very short window period before I pick Sonshine from school. During this time, I squeeze in a very quick home learning with her as she eats.

 

 

 

 

The girl and I head out once again to fetch the boy.

 

Mid Noon

  

We all return home. 

 

The kids make it easy for me as they know the drill. They automatically march into the bathrooms for their baths without my prompting.

 

 

 

 

Sonshine eats his lunch, Doll self entertains while I cool myself down with a nice bath. Sonshine gets to play & wind down after his meal. 

 

 

 

3pm, it is NAP time!
All 3 of us crawl into our beds and I embrace my second nap with delight. I knock out for 1 to 1.5 hours while the kids sleep for 2 hours. YAY.

 

Late Noon 

 

I wake up from my nap, somehow I'm more tired than before. So I perk myself up with a second cup of coffee; I savour the stillness and quiet moments before the kids send a tsunami of noise and mess into the house.

5pm
 

Doll awakes and breaks my peace. I take the cue and reluctantly wake the brother up as I brace myself for another bout of chaos.

 

The battle begins.

 

Sonshine takes his homework out (if not, he will do my assigned revision) while I hurry into the kitchen to prepare dinner. Doll joins her brother in the study room and makes a lot of distractions for him. I find myself shuffling back and forth the room and kitchen, juggling between barking at the kids (one to stop getting distracted and another to stop distracting) and cooking.

Evening

 

When Sonshine is done with his work and if there is free time, he will have his down time.

The kids have their dinner at 630pm. They are allowed to have their first TV time for the day while eating.

 

 

 

My favorite person arrives home and I shut down, mentally, physically, emotionally and immediately. From now on, my husband takes over!

 

He takes his meal (I will join him if I have not starved by then) and washes the remaining dishes in the sink (my hero). I retreat into my room, doors closed, for I am an introvert this way. I need to recharge in solitary. The kids have a whale of a time with their daddy, playing board games & what nots.

 

Bedtime

 

The dear husband settles the kids for bedtime. Sonshine quietens down and reads a book while I take Doll to the room for story time.

 

Lights out. If I don't lose the battle with the zzz monster, I will join my hero in the living room and watch my first tv show for the day.

 

12:30am

 

The dark night creeps into the house and the still of the night looms before the cycle begins again the next day.

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As I typed this, it occured to me that my life seems so mundane and 'dead'. I wondered if all that I do has any worth and meaning to it. After all, cooking & nagging the kids don't bring in money nor make my brain any more smarter.

But God spoke and assured me that there is annointing in all that I do as a mother. Even the very act of chopping the vegetables, He has annointed me to do it. And I was reminded not to demean my role at home for He has placed my role at home for a purpose. Oddly but surely not coincidentally, my pastor honored the mothers in our church last Sunday (early Mother's day celebration) and said the same thing. I knew then that the Lord is assuring me that I am where He wants me to be and annointed me to do so.

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Coming up next on the blog train is Ing, a mom of 3 and former primary school teacher. She juggles an "insane schedule" (a term coined by her closest friends) running after her 3 kids, tackling the never-ending housework and at the same time stepping out as a mumpreneur. She shares mommy tales, kiddy thrills and learning activities on her blog, Ingspirations. Find out how a day in her life is like.

 

Blog train:

Oh (my) boy!

Recently, my hub and I gave a stern lecture to Sonshine. Earlier on that day, someone asked him a question. He immediately answered 'I don't know'. We are pretty clear that the answer is his head. It may sound trivial. It would be if it's a one-off cheeky thing. However, he's been consistently like this even at 2 years old. Even his kindergarten and now primary school teachers gave us the same feedback. They know that Sonshine has the answers but he would always show otherwise or refuse to participate in class. 

Sometimes, I let him be. But it can get really frustrating. Whenever someone ask him a question that he knows very well, you will see him crack a smile and declare 'I don't know!'. People who don't know him well will accept his answer as it is. But if they know better & dig further, they would be surprise to know that he has the answers and even more. Even if he says out the answer, he would only reveal a little of what he knows. 

Sometimes I sympathize with him. I find that his mind is not in sync with the rest of his body. Take his speech for instance, he's not very good in expressing himself. The words that come out of his mouth don't accurately describe what's on his mind. Even if he does say it out, the words would only scrape the tip of the iceberg of what he wants to truly say. I suspect that is why he gives up on speaking and telling people the answers. 

This applies with his hands especially when it comes to writing as well. He's got something in his head, but writing takes too long. Even in his imaginative play, it would also be constructing Lego or drawing in a big haste. He does not bother about the aesthetics outcome, all he wants is to recreate the idea out of his head and translate it out in his Lego or drawings. Hence his creation always look like a mess and very hard for others to comprehend. Even in math work, I notice how he can solve problem sums (those that require 3-4 tiers of calculation), he writes down the final (& correct) answer after a quick mental calculation. But he struggles to explain how he gets the answer, duh. 

It's pretty frustrating especially when I know what he wants to say but it gets wrongly translated into words. Every time, I feel a strong urge to intervene and tell whoever there that he actually knows this much. It hurts that people pass him by or opportunies slip by because he hides what he knows. I asked him once why he refuse to tell people the answers and he says 'Because it's a secret'. What? Do you think you're 007 agent, who's storing classified information in your head son? 😐

The thing is, now that he's in school, all the more he's expected to be vocal and shout out his answers confidently. But it seems, he hesistates to reveal the answers whether as an individual or a team mate. 

I hope in time to come my boy will come out his shell. If only he would let others in into his mind so that they come to understand him, appreciate & value his gifts (especially his teachers) instead of brushing him aside and sideline him. Like every parent, I want my child's gifts to be fully capitalized and not be wasted. Still, it's not in my hands but it's in my Lord's hands. As of now, I can only encourage him to speak up and guide him to understand that when he do so, many amazing doors will be open for him. 

Giving thanks

I try to raise Sonshine to be as independent as he can be. He is not there yet, there are loads of things I have to help him still. But I try to be conscious of what he is capable of doing. My philosophy is, as long as he is more than able to tackle a task then, do it himself he must.

 

It started when he was in Kindergarten 1. Back then, I had an infant to mind and there was no other adult at home in the day to help. You can say circumstances forced him to be independent. From then onwards, I only gave verbal instructions to him and expected him to follow up. It was then he started a wee bit of independence, he learnt to put on & buttoned/unbuttoned his uniform (which help us greatly now since he's primary uniform is also button on), he even watched the clock & would automatically put on his uniform when it was time! Gradually, I got him to pack his own bag (though there was nothing much to pack), I held him accountable for remembering things to bring to school and follow up his own homework. Even for spelling revision, I didn't sit down and teach him but made him learn on his own.

 

All these are catching up with us today- in a good way. These habits are still in existent now that Sonshine is in primary school. It does not matter that it is 6:30am in the morning, everyone is bleary-eyed and the sky's still dark, I still make him put on his uniform, shoes, socks on his own. He carries his own bag to and from school-rain or shine. I casually told him he should pack his own bag and I was pleasantly suprised when he actually packed his bag without my prompting! Today, he is still learning his spelling on his own while I merely spring a suprise test on him every now and then.

 

While it is natural and normal for 6-7 year olds to be forgetting their homework, instructions from school, losing their belongings etc, Sonshine is sparing us from all of that. I suppose the little independence training he had helped him to be on the ball i.e. he brings back what he's suppose to bring back and hands in what he's suppose to. He is fully aware that he is responsible for his own school matters- not mummy.

 

I am humbly thankful and grateful. Because of him, I get to help other mothers with kids in the same class (yes, he makes me look good). It spurs me on to make him as independent as soon as possible- then my life would be so easy! LOL!

 

 

A Love letter to my Champion

Dear Sonshine

 

When I look at you today, I can sigh a thousands sighs of relief over and over and over again. How far you have come and what a journey we went through last 2-3 years! I am simply grateful that everything turned out good.

 

Remember when you were 3 years old? How you were barely speaking and got me so terribly worried? Even when you spoke, your pronunciation was way off. Do you recall how your worried mom whisked you away to see a speech therapist? Only to have you speak accurately the very next day!

 

Then when you turned 4, I became increasingly worried because you were not interested in any social interaction. It was always common to see you absorbed in your own play at one corner and your peers in another. In preschool, the teacher would say how quiet you were and how you'd avoid eye contact. I was worried enough to send you for an assessment even though at home you were like any other kid with good responses & eye contact & showed no other signs of developmental delays.

 

Turns out that you are alright. You are the way you are because you are. :) Later, I read up on introverts and I felt I was literally reading about you. (That's when I also learnt that some introverts avoid eye contact too)

 

While I was busy worrying and scouting for answers, you were slowly, very slowly emerging from your shell. You started by playing and talking with one, just one, friend. After a whole year or so, you began to play with kids you meet at the playground. With each birthday mark, you became more and more comfortable & interested in interacting with people. It is also evident in your eye contact with others that you are gaining more confidence in social settings.

 

Just last night, I saw how you played with your peers whom you met only the second time, how you chatted with the girl- it made me really proud how far you have come. I was once again reminded that all that behaviour was unheard & unseen of you years ago. Did you know I heaved another sigh of great relief and thankfulness?

I remember worrying about how you would cope in primary school. I worried that the teacher would call me up and suggest that you are not suitable for school. Thank God, those fears were unfounded. You are doing excellently well as recorded by the teacher in her weekly report. Can I just say, 'PHEW!'?

 

I cannot help but swell with pride whenever I am reminded of your progress. To others, this is nothing or even taken for granted. But those days of worrying & crying over your future was not fun at all; it made me appreciate your growth & progress even more. I don't care if you are far behind your peers (or even ahead for that matter), all I care is that you make improvements. I remind myself to compare you with you and not some other kid. When I do that, I see great progress and it makes me want to shout it out-too bad that others read it as bragging. In any case, seeing your marked improvement, you do deserve some bragging rights baby, :).

 

My only regret is that I was so caught up with worry during those years that I pushed you so hard to come out of your shell. I was so absorbed in doing that, that I forgot to enjoy you. But you always kept your composure, smile, joy and love despite it all. You're an amazing kid, you know that, son? You truly are. You are a champion in your own rights! Mummy loves you more than you will ever know! I am glad that I am enjoying  you more and your sillyness. I'm looking forward to more victorious years ahead with you Champion! MUAKS!

 

Your Sweet heart

(Yes, he calls me that)

 

Chinese New Year!

I made some CNY theme activities for doll.

 

 

Arranging chinese lantern patterns in numerical order.

 

Read aloud and match to the correct color chinese fan.

 

In line with the Chinese horoscope, I made these matching cards for Doll to learn the names of these animals in mandarin. (Why no horse and the rest of animals? 'Cause she learn most of them already).

 

Counting the number of mandarin oranges and matching the correct word number card. Sometimes I'd make her count in Mandarin and she had to match the correct mandarin word card.

 

Here's an activity I plan to work on with her. Either I'll put in a random number of gold chocolate coins in the red packet and have her count the number of coins in each packet. Or I'll write a number on each packet and have her slot the corresponding number of chocolate coins into the red packets.

 

And like a true Montessori style, one could use these chocolate coins as counters! :D

 

 On another note, I enjoy home teaching my kids. I enjoy researching, resourcing and preparing the learning materials for them. It gives me great joy when my kids acquire a new skill or knowledge through the materials I painstakingly made for them.

I don't necessarily do it because I want my kids to be ahead, believe it or not. I do it because I truly enjoy it. Of course, the result of all the home teaching is a bonus for me. I am really blessed that both my son and daughter enjoy our home learning time. This spurs me on to continue home learning with them. Otherwise, I don't think I'd bother nor last this long. 

 

But even if you don't home teach, please don't ever think your child is losing out. From my observation, things will even out by kindergarten/primary level. The supposedly not so advance kids will catch up sooner or later (i.e. most kids will eventually learn how to read and count by primary school).

 

Have home learning only if you and your kids enjoy it or you plan to keep them from formal schools. Otherwise, don't fret too much, I trust that most pre-schools prepare their children well enough for primary. :)

 

Till the next post, Blessed Chinese New year everyone!

 

Learn to Let Go

So we have ended our 3rd week of school. I am overwhelm and somewhat disturbed. I'll tell you why.

 

Since the start of school, I've been 'mom-working' as in 'networking'. I got to know some moms and even rejoin groups of moms with Primary one kids. Having hear them share their thoughts on their worries, concerns and seen them hovering about their kids- I am rather disturb.

 

I don't know. Perhaps I have been (positively) influence by SMB moms such as Evelyn and Rachel. Because of them, I adopted a 'let go' mindset. Meaning, I made a conscious effort to not be a helicopter parent and let my soon to be 7 year old manage his own school life. I thought this was the same with other parents but I was wrong.

 

Over the weeks, I've heard/seen parents hijacking the teachers and anxiously requesting the teachers to 1) change their kids' seating arrangement because of a bully, 2) rearrange the entire classroom arrangement just for their child because he keeps tripping at his seat, 3) help remind the kids to bring their own belongings home, 4) remove fans because their kids are too cold, 5) track down a piece of paper that their child lost in school and... I'll stop here least I reveal my own identity. Typically, they act like their child is the only one in the school and give no thoughts to the rest of students in class.

 

I think I have rolled my eyeballs a thousand times these past weeks. I wish I can tell these parents in their faces: 'LEARN TO LET GO!'. Many don't seem to understand that this is Primary school, it is a different era from Kindergarten. Yet, many are treating the primary school teachers as kindergarten teachers, expecting the teachers to hover around their kids and still hold their hands.

 

'But but but... you don't understand! My child is like this...my child doesn't know that...' I understand! I have the same set of worries and concerns- I am also a parent new to this experience! But I also understand that the teachers have 30 over other fidgety kids of varying temperaments and quirks to manage. And so, I don't expect the teacher to drop her attention on the other 29 just so she can focus on my ONE child.

 

So what do I do?

 

I teach my child independence as best as I can. I try not to depend on the teacher for trivial matters. My philosophy is: If he is capable to do something then let him do it himself. I will not step in to help him nor will i email the teacher to help him. I give him advice on how he can handle the situation- and the rest is up to him. He is old enough to manage most situations.

 

So your kid keeps forgetting to bring his communication book home? Don't tell the teacher to remind your child, you should teach & help him to remember! So, your kid keeps tripping, help your child to figure out other ways to prevent from himself from tripping. Your kid is too cold in the class? Get him a jacket instead of asking the teacher to remove the fan! There's a bully in the class? It's the perfect opportunity for the child to learn how to stand up for himself  and to learn to be more tolerant of others.

 

What kind of parent are you? The overly protective type or the type who's raising independent kids? There's a saying, "Don't fish for your kids, teach them how to fish". I see benefits in that, because I can be assured that even when I am not around, I know my child can take care of himself.

 

I could go on but you get my drift. I know parents are worried that their child will suffer dire consequences but sometimes, it is better to let them go through it. This way they will learn the effects of their choices. To me, this is the BEST time to let them rough it out. This is time to where there's still allowance for them to make mistakes, falter and learn. I rather they learn now then to make these mistakes in adulthood where there will be little tolerance.

 

Think about it, what kind of parents do you want to be?
 

First day of school!

Sonshine has officially stepped into primary school. It is a mark that he is growing up and that he HAS to grow up. First day of school, was not as nerve wrecking as I had expected but we did had some jitters.

 

The first thing I worried about was having to wake up early. Our usual waking up hours is after 10am. (You can close your dropped jaws now, thank you) Sonshine's kindergarten hours was in the noon, so we had the luxury to stay up really late at night and wake up at brunch time AND still move at snail's pace. It was leisure at the highest, I say! But now, we have to be up by 6am, what a drastic change! Today is the second day of school, so far, it seems pretty alright for now. Sonshine woke up with ease, no whining no lethargy. He did what he needed to do and it went quite smoothly.

 

The night before, we also had alittle panic. We realised the boy was not used to the zipper & hook mechanism on his school pants. He has no problem with zipping but because the pants are loose, he needed to hold the pants up while zipping which can be quite challenging for his small hands. He was also not  familiar with the hooks. We made him practise, practise clumsily he did. So we were worried that he may have problems putting his pants back on after a visit to the loo. We tried our best to teach him and left the rest to God.

 

We were slightly late or barely on time for school these 2 days. The traffic jam caught us off guard (there are 4 schools in the same vicinity, so you can imagine how the road looks like in the morning). Or maybe Sonshine caught us off guard with he's 'I want to poo poo. I want to wash hands. I want this, I want that etc' which made us leave later than planned. I am thanking the heavens and the stars that I am not the one who's sending him to school! I'll leave the worrying & planning to the husband-ha!

 

During the first day, we were allowed to walk our kids into the school right to the assembly area. But we were not allowed to linger around. The school prepared some parental talks for us and we all adjourn to the another area until their recess. Unfortunately for us, Sonshine's recess (Primary four) buddy was as clueless as him. Left him at the table alone and didn't bring him to look for us like other buddies did. We could only try take a peek (we weren't allowed to join him) and shoulder wrestle with other anxious parents. But, I didn't really need to chat with him, it was more than enough for me to know he's there eating and he knows that we were there.

 

There are no lessons these first days. We were suppose to pack books to hand over to the teachers to keep & these few day are meant for administration matters.

 

By the time I picked him up, he was looking all dazed, probably overwhelmed by the new experience. I tried not to ask him too many questions although every bit of me was burning with curiousity. We held hands and quietly walked over to our car while other parents & their children chatter nossily past us.

 

At the end of the day, I managed to squeezed some stuff out from him

 

1) His buddy's name

2) His class room arrangement.  (I literally made him draw out a map!)

3) He played games during Chinese class, adding that a boy won the game 'BUT it was NOT me'.

4) There are 29 of them in the class- probably more boys than girls.

5) One of his classmates didn't have a buddy

6) He doesn't know his partner or classmates names.

7) His teachers names.

8) He knows the location of the restroom nearest to his classroom.

9) Water bottles are not allowed in the class and he had to leave them outside

10) There's a small library area in his class but he was quick to tell me the school has a library where there are more books.

 

I think we had a great start. Sonshine said he likes the school & teachers, though he said this nonchalantly. All in all I am thankful that

 

1) Sonshine is taking all this new changes and experiences with ease.

2) He does not have fear of going to the new school- like I did.

3) He figured out how to manage his pants on the first day of his school!

4) He brought back all his belongings in order from his bag to lunch box to his wallet and even the pack of tissue paper I gave him!

5) He has a good and experienced teacher

6) He has proven to us he can execute instructions perfectly

7) He has proven that he can be independent.

 

Having experienced, witnessed and heard from the teachers and fellow parents today, I am thankful that Sonshine is in this school. The Principal's love for the children is evident, it shows in her words and action. The culture is nurturing, I just know my kids are and will be in safe hands.

My hope for his first year of Primary school is that he finds enjoyment in learning and that he will emerge 2014 a happy boy. Well, we are off to a good start, let's hope it stays this way!

 

 

Home learning tips

I am no expert but here are some basic pointers that help me to successfully implement homeschooling for my very young. I think it may be helpful for those who are just starting out and with very young kids- I hope. :)

 

1) Home learning corner

 

First and foremost, designate a corner specifically for home learning. This is where you keep & display all your educational materials. You want your child to associate learning with this corner and nothing else. Such that whenever she is in this area, she knows it is time for learning and nothing else. At best try not to use a common area i.e dining table for home learning because you want the child to understand it is time to learn not to eat or play.

 

Also, as far as possible ensure that this corner is kept separated (read: FAR FAR AWAY) from where the toys are. You want your child to focus on home learning and not be distracted with the toys.

 

Like most, I don't have the luxury of space. So I have a home learning shelf in the kid's bedroom. On this shelf, i store and display all the learning materials. When we approach this shelf, Doll understands full well that it is time for learning. She is there not there to play, sleep or eat but learn.

 

2) Set a routine

 

Just like nap/bed times, meals etc, set a routine in your day for home learning. I am not saying set a fix time like 12.00pm, but set the flow of events fix in your day to day. For instance, Doll knows that we do home learning after her lunch. She knows the drill so well that she will automatically ask to go to our learning shelf after her meal even when I don't lead her there.

 

3) Be consistent

 

Once you have set your heart and mind to it, make certain you are consistent with it at the same time, same place. Of course, there will be days when you or your child will feel off- that's okay. It's better to stay off track when either of you is feeling wonky than to force everyone to do it & be unhappy. But in general, be consistent as far as possible- just like sleep training! HA!

4) Name your learning session

 

When I first started, I always yelp excitedly 'DO WORK TIME!' (yes, it lacks of creativity and sounds super boring but ah well) and lead the kids to the shelf. Over time, they understood that when I say 'Do work time', they are to proceed to our learning shelf. Think of it like a school bell.

 

5) Have low expectations

 

Keep in mind that young kids have short attention span. Say that 1000 times before you start the lesson! Don't enter into the lesson thinking they will sit still, listen and follow your instructions to the T. In fact, do EXPECT and be prepared that they will do just the opposite. For one, don't prepare hefty lessons- make sure the concepts can be put across to them in a clear, concise and quick manner. Personally, I think our home learning is more than successful if we accomplish just 15 minutes with doll!

 

6) Be prepared to stop

 

Montessori's rule is be prepared to stop when the child shows no interest in the lesson. You want your child to be in a joyful state of mind when doing work not feeling like she is being forced into it. Also, always end the lessons when her interest level is still high. Don't wait for her to feel bored or tired to end the lesson. You want her to remember learning is fun and make her want to come back for more.

 

7) Follow her interest

 

The rule of thumb is prepare lessons that are skewed towards her interest. You can offer her to try something new but if she declines, respect that. Don't force it on her no matter how many hours and sleepless nights you have put in to prepare that lesson.

 

During our first few lessons, I purportedly gave her activities that I knew would make her squeal in delight. I wanted her to think that home learning is so much fun so that she will be attracted back to the shelf.

 

Once these are in place, the rest of the journey would be relatively easy. At this point, I rarely need to negotiate, bribe or convince her to attend my home lessons. It is a breeze. In a nutshell, make home learning into a habit and fun!

More ranting

Sonshine is going to primary school in a few months time. I told myself that the real rat race will inevitably begin (maybe not in lower primary yet) and I need to put thought as to how I am going to manage it. To be honest, I think I already have one foot in the race that is why it is even more important for me to think it through. Here are some of the things I want to remind myself.

 

1) Education is not a race

 

Unfortunately, here in Singapore, we see education as a competition. We are way obsess with who knows more than who, who's doing better than who, who has that 1 mark more than who, who is the number one. My own defination of education is simply put- learning. Not learning competitively and  not learning to compete. I want to remind myself that Sonshine is there to foremost- gain knowledge, how well he does against his peers is secondary or even unimportant. I shall simply rejoice at the knowledge he gain- PERIOD.

 

2) Right response

 

I want to be careful in how i respond when he hands me his results. I don't want him to feel that he needs to earn my affirmation & recognition through good grades. Neither do I want him to think that I would love him lesser if he brings back lousy grades. It has to be well balance and end up with affirming him with my love regardless of how well he do in school.

 

3) Comparing him with himself

 

Every child is different, has different talents, different learning pace. It is very unfair and even absurd to compare one child with another. It is like comparing a monkey with an elephant. They each have different strengths and a place in this earth. It is near impossible to pit them against each other. So, I want to remind myself that it is not right to compare him his peers. Instead, I'll compare him with himself and celebrate more of his improvements rather than how 'better' he is against someone else.

 

I don't know if I will be this steadfast when the time comes. I am easily influenced and affected by my environment and what people say- yes, I am weak that way. But even if we get sucked into the competitive waves, I want to make sure it is healthy and that his self esteem is protected. So hopefully, the day when I feel swayed, I'll check back on this particular post and remind myself again!

The hot topic- Tuition

The word 'tuition' is abuzz these days. I can't help but join in the party and put in my 2 cents worth. But I am not targeting at tuition per se, read on.

I read that a boy who is top in his school, but still opt for tuition just because he wants to maintain his position. I cannot help but find fault with this at every level.

First up, I am not opposing parents who opt for tuition for their kids who are struggling to keep up. Personally, I would do the same if my children are doing poorly. I think it makes perfect sense; render help where help is needed.

But, to have tuition so that the child doesn't slip down to number 2 in school is way absurd for me. Excuse me, what is so shameful about being number 2 or 10th or 30th in school or just being an average? I fear that such students think that being number 2 or lesser is equivalent to failing. This belief is so warp! And there you have students struggling hard to even make it to the passing mark! Ridiculous!

The other thing that puts me off is that there are kids who obviously feel that they can't get to where they are without tuition. Their trust is not in their own abilities but in the tuition. The danger of it is that, if you take away the tuition, you are also taking away their belief in themselves. I was a below average student, almost failing or sometimes failing student. I had tuition but it didn't help me a bit. Until, one day, I was determined to buck up. Picked up the books and taught myself up to the top few positions in my class. In other words, I depended on no one but myself. Even if you gave me tuition, took it away, I would not have faltered because I knew how to get the respectable grades on my own. Little did I know, I taught myself a lesson then. That, I can carve my own success myself. And as I enter into adulthood, I became resilient even in my working life. But I worry for these kids; they probably would be in absolute lost and chaos the minute you cut tuition off from them. Again, I am not against tuition. But I think it is wrong when the child puts more confidence in tuition than in himself.

Morover, this is just Primary school! Can we just chill alittle bit here? Being at the top in Primary level is by no means a measurement of success in later years like Secondary or even adulthood. It makes me wonder, how would these students take it if one day (which I am quite sure would happen) don't make it to the top in other phases of their lives? How would they see themselves? What would happen to their self esteem? You would think being at the top is a glamorous thing. But I think these lot may be in danger for having low self esteem especially if they tie their self worth to their grades. The higher they are, the more pressure they may have to stay up there and the greater their fear of failing. Of course, I may be making an assumption here- but it can & probably has happen(ed).

What kind of kids do we want to have? Those who believe they can't carve success on their own? Those who are fearful of not being number one? Those who are fearful and not resilient to failures?

I think the successful student would be one who has a healthy self esteem regardless of his grades. No gleaming grades can pull him up neither can rotten grades put him down. Schools, media, the Ministry and especially us parents should be constantly there to remind our children that no matter their grades, their positions in school,  they are champions in their own right. That each of them have their one uniqueness with which they can carve a successful and meaning futures for themselves not their glorious report books.

Open ended activities

A recent discussion in one of my FB group got me thinking about open ended play. At first thought, I was aghast that I have not purportedly gave any thought about this. But upon further analysis, I realised my kids have lots of open ended play everyday. The best part of it is, I rarely dictate or plan it that way. It just happen naturally.

 

I decided to share some of my 'unplan' open ended play/toys here. But I hope to add more on to my list as I research for more ideas.

 

1. Free play

 

The best open ended play is Free play. I know I always blog about my kids home learning to a point that it seems we are one sided. Truth is doll gets about 10-15 minutes of home learning and Sonshine only 20 minutes a day. The rest of their time? Free play.

 

I don't have the habit of sitting down and have one on one play with my kids. I feel like a horrible mother but 24 hour of babysitting is enough to tire me out. So my kids learn to find their own entertainment since they were very young like crawling infants. The good that came out of that is, both have learnt to find ways to keep themselves occupied in the house. I have to add, I rarely entertain my kids with TV shows. My kids can clock 0 hours of TV a day and still find things to play with (and STILL complain they have not enough time to play!).  They can coop up at home 24 hours, a few days straight and won't complain of boredom. I credit this to their independence (in play) & ability in finding their own entertainment. {As I am typing this, doll is finding much joy & amusement just by playing with one sock! How apt!}.

But be warned! Free play also means a topsy turvy house!

 

2. Lego/Duplo

 

This is redundant to say really. But one thing I like to add is that I try to avoid buying those pre-packed theme Lego. I don't see how these stimulates creativity. I don't understand how hard is it to follow step by step instructions to build that magnificant looking structure? I rather my child use his own imagination to build his tallest building, racing car, bus stop, the entire township, angry bird structure. Heck that it looks less than glorious but at least it was born out of his creativity. I think anything that he builds on his own is 100 times more awesome than those pre-packed boxes. So, in my house, we have boxes of assorted Legos and Duplo, three kid-size tables lined up in a row and they are free to build anything they desire. Sonshine loves to build a small little town from scratch and than destroys the who town as he pretends that there's an earthquake. LOL!

 

3. Playdough

 

Let me declare here that I HATE PLAYDOUGH! It is so messy! But like all children, my babies LOVE them. Doll ask to play with it EVERYDAY. But yes, playdough is one of the great open ended play- you don't need me to elaborate on this do you?

 

4. Drawing

 

Sonshine loves to draw and will ask to do it frequently. I can't say he's drawing is fantastic (looks more like scribbles actually) but it helps him to express himself and let loose his imagination. Nowadays, I buy drawing paper in bulk because it runs out too fast. Doll is picking this up too and love to doodle whenever she sees her big brother drawing away. I have to admit though, my art & crafts corner is not accessible- because I am afraid doll would scribble at the wrong places (and she already has). So I would like to explore and see how I can make this more available for the kids.

These are my kids' daily dose of open ended play. We have other stuff like cooking. cashier and stuff toys for pretend play but my kiddos aren't too keen  though they do play with those toys once in awhile. I am not sure but I get a feeling that it isn't enough and we need to add abit more spice. Hence, I have been researching more activites that can provoke their imagination and creativity- especially for Sonshine.

Some of the ideas (for older kids) I found feasible & doesn't take much time/preparation work:

- Drawing games: You draw a squiggly line or a circle and show how by adding more drawings it can turn into something else like the someone's eyebrow or a happy face. Invite the child to do the same.

- Creating a story: Together with your child work out a story about anything and everything. Once while driving to school, Sonshine and I created a story together about a boy and what happened to him etc. It was quite funny and fun!

- Ask open ended questions: What will happen if people could fly? Brainstorm as many ideas as you can with your child.

When doing these activities, the last thing you want to do is to shoot down his ideas. Welcome all his ideas, though ridiculous they may sound. The objective of these games is to let his creative juices flow NOT to find the politically, technically correct answers.

I am still searching for more ideas, I hope to be inspired!

I is for Introverts

When Sonshine was a toddler, one could instantly distinguish him from the rest of the children. The pack would be at one corner playing with each other, while he would be at the other end, happily playing on his own. This was a common scene and even till now.

 

I was worried sick to say the least! I thought, convinced, he has some developmental issues. To cut the long story short, he's fine say the professionals. Still, I couldn't reconcile why he is always alone and he can't seem to strike up a conversation with other kids. He has very little friends and he can come home without speaking a word to anyone! At home, he's a different person. He talks to us alot- many a times we have to ask him to keep quiet. It is as if he has a public personality and private persona.

 

The odd thing to me was I knew he's not shy. Because he would readily join in a game with others- if it interests him that much. Otherwise, he has no qualms stepping away from the party, reside into his corner and just play on his own. It is not as if he doesn't play with anyone- he does but extremely selective and dependable on several factors. 1-It must be an activity he likes, 2- the smaller the group the better. In big groups, he fades into the background, 3-he must be familiar with the playmates although I have seen him play with complete strangers, I guess point 1 supersedes point 3 during those rare times!
 

When it comes to social gatherings, he  always appears to be bored during meal times where we would normally congregate and chit chat with our friends. He finds eating a chore and deems chatting as boring. He'd literally turn his body away from the group and just observe his environment. He also needs a longer time to process his thoughts which means he takes a longer time to answer questions. The more you hurry him, press him for an answer, the more chaotic his mind becomes and he will never be able to give you the answer he truly feels.

 

He dislikes, hates even, to be the center of attention. He refused to allow me to celebrate his birthday in school because, I suspect, he finds the attention overwhelming. He reminds me every year not to hold a huge party for him. When he was very young, he cried when the entire party sang to him the birthday song! He cried when he won a game and everyone in the class clapped for him. He just doesn't like to have the spotlight shine on him. BUT, at home, he is delighted when we put him on the pedestal.

 

He is also not expressive and will keep his thoughts to himself. He may share it with us but NEVER to others. This is why over the years, none of the teachers discover that his learning ability is faster than the average. None of the teachers know how much he knows because he will never vocalised it. Many a times, he prefers to express himself through drawing and imaginative play- which he does alot during his free time.

 

He listens more than he talks- outside of the house that is. The teachers often tell me, he is very attentive in class albeit quiet. He would often tell me he doesn't like to talk in class because he wants to listen to the teachers! How to counter-argue with that?! BUT at home, he is the other way around!

 

These 2 years has been a struggle for me. I battled with worrying thoughts that there was something severely wrong with him. Thinking that I got to help him be what the society says is 'normal' (being vocal and participative socially) I pushed, demanded, scolded, threatened, bribed, used harsh words on him just to get him out of the shell. Until, I realised, this is a typical behaviour of introverts.

Don't get me wrong. I am not trying to limit him with the label but now that I know he is displaying introvert personality- I understand him better and have stop pushing him out of his comfort zone. I recall I used to be an introvert too. I abhor it when my auntie and friends try to drag me out of my shell. The more I am pushed, the more I would retreat. The worst thing to do to introverts is to force them out of their comfort zone. You must be wondering since I was an introvert (I say 'was' because I have evolved into an extrovert now- me thinks), why couldn't I identify that in my son? I blame it on those articles online, signs of this, signs of that...until I was obsessed with finding what exactly he has that I forgot that he could simply just be an introvert. How silly.

If you are curious or like to read more, this article (different from the one I shared on my facebook) list down the characteristics of an introvert. I was nodding my head through and through this article! Suddenly, everything I couldn't figure out about my son (for years) makes sense! What an eye opener for me!

 .

Primary school registration jitters

So it is the parents of children born in 2007 turn to hit the panic button. Registration for primary school has started this week and will go on till the end of the month. It is a time where many parents go through anxiety, apprehension and stress.

 

And I thought I was spared being able to register under former student phase. Until I checked the latest update today and I was horrified to discover about 50% of the place has been taken up by the first phase! I truly didn't expect this because i never thought my school was a popular choice. The school's intake after the first phase is even higher than some 'top' schools. I was stumped, really, truly stumped! I hyper ventilated for a moment after realising my turn was not until another week. What if another 50% or worse, more than 50% of the place be snapped up by the second phase (I belong to the third)? O.M.G! Horror! Panic!

 

I always assume I will have the safe chance to get a place in my old school and hence didn't even consider a second choice. I will be at a total lost if Sonshine fails to enter into this school. Now I am scrambling, checking out the other schools around my area- just in case!

 

Oh wait, for my overseas readers. Let me explain. Registration to primary school here in Singapore is very complicated. It goes by phases. Priority is first given to children who already have an older sibling studying in the same school- that is phase 1. Second phase, belongs to children whose parents are former students of the school AND are alumni members. The third, which is me, are for parents who are former students but not alumni of the school. And there are a couple more phases after that..if you want to know more, it is here.

I was pretty relax, calm & maybe even laughing at other parents for being anxious until now. Okay, this is not fun at all, NOT FUN, NO NOT AT ALL! I know, I know. I still have a high chance of getting Sonshine in the school. But still, the result after the first phase has triggered the worry warrior in me and won't be shaking my legs until I get the all clear that he is officially in! Till then, I think I am going to breathe alot more harder!

To all fellow 2007 parents, I wish you all the very best. I am sorry I even sniggered at you for being stressed out over this. Now that I have tasted a bit of that anxiety, I can truly understand why you go through what you go through. Big pat on your back & mine! :I All the best!

*Breathe, breathe*