A sweet ending

This term has ended the academic year sweetly for me. I can finally heaved a sigh of relief and confidently move on to what I always believe for my son.

 

His SA2 results are back and I can't be more pleased! 

 

It was a frustrating ride because Sonshine doesn't show outwardly nor on his academic papers what he is truly capable. He is also always slow to show his true abilities. Many, no, I mean ALL, the teachers who came in contact with him would at first feedback to me that he is rather slow. But their stance will change after 6 months. All of them have, separately, been taken aback by how well he can actually perform. One teacher even admitted to me she was wrong about him after teaching him for a good half a year. Most mistakenly think that he had made vast improvement when actually he had been consistent & merely slow to reveal his true self to others.

 

Sonshine has a mind of his own. He would do well only if he wants to do well. It is not about whether he is capable or not, it is always whether he wants to or not. Many times, it is always not. He is simply not motivated by grades. He is like Darth Vader. Good grades or bad grades, his facial expression and emotions stay the same. It does not matter to him. What motivates him is what HE wants to learn not what the school tells him to learn.

 

But his love for mama is too deep and sacrificial. He knows mama wants him to bring home the grades and that he will do for his mama. Yes, he is a good boy.

 

I can finally lift my head up. I know it sounds terribly dramatic. But no one understands, not even my husband, what I was going through. All my friends and even family chastised me for setting sky high expectations on him. But I tried to tell them this is an achievement attainable for him. I tired to explain that Sonshine is academically intelligent and getting high marks should not be too difficult for him. Most of friends would politely agree but I can almost read the bubbles over their heads "She is just being a Tiger mother, her son is not as clever as she says he is".

 

I cannot entirely blame them for thinking this way. Sonshine really does not appear to be very bright. He takes a long time to gather his thoughts and even longer time to find the right words to express himself. Even if he does, he generally uses simple words which inadequately represents what he wants to say. Throw a stone at any kid, that kid would most likely to be deemed smarter than my son. Whenever I tell people what my son is truly capable, many times they cannot reconcile what they hear from me and what they see in reality. And very often I appear to be bragging. Sigh. 

 

But all mothers know their children. I know very well what my son is capable of.

 

So when my friends hear my expectations for him, they often let out a 'tsk' at me or give me well-meaning advice not to push him so hard. But I don't push him for the grades. I push him to want to do well. The grades are a reflection of how much he desires to do well. So inevitably it looked like I was after the grades.

 

I don't know how to explain this, but it is extremely hard for a mother watch her child under perform especially when she knows what he can achieve. So I had to resort to acting like a Tiger Mom and risk people calling me a result driven mother when all I want is for him to achieve what he is truly capable of. But making him want to do well is not an easy task. I am always at his mercy term after term.

 

So finally it ends sweetly for me. With his SA2 results and the GEP paper. It really did it for me. It is sort of an indirect but very clear explanation as to why I kicked up such a huge fuss when he does not bring back the appropriate scores. It was never because he was incapable but it was almost always because he had no desire to. That ate me up!

 

And now I can end my 2016 with ease until next year that is...

 

 

GEP 2016

And so he did it.

 

He made it through to the next round of GEP testing.

 

No. I did not hot-house him; no out sourcing, no in-housing. Nothing. He made it through by his own.

 

Any 'studying' would be for his usual SA and CA papers.
 

That said, it is possible to hot house the kids for the first round. So for those who made it through because they have been hot house for it, well their hard work has paid off.

 

For those who made it through with no extra coaching, you know that they have what it takes.

 

I am glad that I did not hot house him. I did not give him any extra challenging papers to do.

 

I can truly say he did it by his own abilities. Now I know and I am satisfied.

 

I always had an inkling that he is a high achiever but it was only a suspicion of mine until now. Honestly, It has been a frustrating journey with him. Sonshine typically likes to play himself down. He prefers to play dumb and always appear to be the least intelligent one amongst his peers. Everyday I am left frustrated seeing other children who have lesser abilities overtake him. I feel like he is wasting his potentials away. Frustrating!

He purposely positions himself so that he will never be at the center of attention. Every capabilities of his I witness at home becomes a mere imagination (mostly mine) whenever we step out of the house. And then it shows up again at home! It is like he has two different beings in his body! He once reluctantly told me that everything he knows is a secret. He does not want anybody to know what he knows. How weird is he?

 

Heck, he did not even tell us about his GEP selection. I don't usually check his school bag but for some strange reason I did it yesterday and found the letter. I waited for him to tell me but he kept it in ALL DAY! It was only after my husband questioned him for a good 10 minutes before he finally revealed to us. He admitted he did not want us to know because he did not want to sit for the exams all because he hates the idea that he has to spend two days at school during his off days. Yep, this is my weird son.

 

This oddity of his spills over to his school papers. He did not even make it to the top 3 in his class last year but was still within the top 10% cohort in his school. I was quite stumped especially because his school papers are comparatively (A LOT, like by a mile) easier than most schools. My sister always suggests to me that perhaps he doesn't really excel in his school papers the way he should be because they are too easy? Possible logic? So, I was bewildered for awhile. I even convinced myself this year that perhaps I have over rated my child. Perhaps I was 'seeing' things. Perhaps I was the one who has  the two beings in me. One who over rates her child at home and the one who sees the reality outside.

 

Hence him passing this first round, for me, came as a confirmation- without paying the high fees to see a psychologist for testing (LOL).  My suspicion has finally become a reality after 9 years. Before this, I was always unable to reconcile his true abilities and what I see in his everyday life. I was always baffled, bewildered and lost in wonderment. There had been many questions about his behaviours that are left unexplained. Now it is all falling into place. Every oddity of his can be explained. And finally, the Great One up there is telling me I am not schizophrenic. It is amazing what a blue sheet of paper can do to a mother!

 

Anyway, I highly doubt that he will get through the second round of test. My niece is in the GEP programme and I have had a peek into what it was like for the second round. I know it is a lot harder. It is where they separate the men from the boys.

 

I am already very thankful that he got through the first round. Top 10% of the whole Singapore! Quite a feat considering he did all on his own worth!

Thank You Jesus, All Glory to you!

 

Well done son! You finally proved it. Thank you, that is all Mummy needs to know.

 

Now you can go on and continue being odd.