Wednesday 2 November 2016

A sweet ending

This term has ended the academic year sweetly for me. I can finally heaved a sigh of relief and confidently move on to what I always believe for my son.
His SA2 results are back and I can't be more pleased! 
It was a frustrating ride because Sonshine doesn't show outwardly nor on his academic papers what he is truly capable. He is also always slow to show his true abilities. Many, no, I mean ALL, the teachers who came in contact with him would at first feedback to me that he is rather slow. But their stance will change after 6 months. All of them have, separately, been taken aback by how well he can actually perform. One teacher even admitted to me she was wrong about him after teaching him for a good half a year. Most mistakenly think that he had made vast improvement when actually he had been consistent & merely slow to reveal his true self to others.
Sonshine has a mind of his own. He would do well only if he wants to do well. It is not about whether he is capable or not, it is always whether he wants to or not. Many times, it is always not. He is simply not motivated by grades. He is like Darth Vader. Good grades or bad grades, his facial expression and emotions stay the same. It does not matter to him. What motivates him is what HE wants to learn not what the school tells him to learn.
But his love for mama is too deep and sacrificial. He knows mama wants him to bring home the grades and that he will do for his mama. Yes, he is a good boy.
I can finally lift my head up. I know it sounds terribly dramatic. But no one understands, not even my husband, what I was going through. All my friends and even family chastised me for setting sky high expectations on him. But I tried to tell them this is an achievement attainable for him. I tired to explain that Sonshine is academically intelligent and getting high marks should not be too difficult for him. Most of friends would politely agree but I can almost read the bubbles over their heads "She is just being a Tiger mother, her son is not as clever as she says he is".
I cannot entirely blame them for thinking this way. Sonshine really does not appear to be very bright. He takes a long time to gather his thoughts and even longer time to find the right words to express himself. Even if he does, he generally uses simple words which inadequately represents what he wants to say. Throw a stone at any kid, that kid would most likely to be deemed smarter than my son. Whenever I tell people what my son is truly capable, many times they cannot reconcile what they hear from me and what they see in reality. And very often I appear to be bragging. Sigh. 
But all mothers know their children. I know very well what my son is capable of.
So when my friends hear my expectations for him, they often let out a 'tsk' at me or give me well-meaning advice not to push him so hard. But I don't push him for the grades. I push him to want to do well. The grades are a reflection of how much he desires to do well. So inevitably it looked like I was after the grades.
I don't know how to explain this, but it is extremely hard for a mother watch her child under perform especially when she knows what he can achieve. So I had to resort to acting like a Tiger Mom and risk people calling me a result driven mother when all I want is for him to achieve what he is truly capable of. But making him want to do well is not an easy task. I am always at his mercy term after term.
So finally it ends sweetly for me. With his SA2 results and the GEP paper. It really did it for me. It is sort of an indirect but very clear explanation as to why I kicked up such a huge fuss when he does not bring back the appropriate scores. It was never because he was incapable but it was almost always because he had no desire to. That ate me up!
And now I can end my 2016 with ease until next year that is...

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