To that Kiasu parent

Dear Kiasu Parent

I see you mugging through your child's textbooks, writing & copying down notes for your child, revising with him from cover to cover of every subject, willingly paying tuition fees term after term. But when your child falls below par from all that effort you put in, you feel defeated, demoralised and most of all- anger towards your child. It stresses you, it stresses your child.
 

If only you would take a step back and remove yourself from the equation, your child could possibly be enjoying and breezing through school life a lot more. Is this paper chasing really necessary? Even if the glorious grades kick in, what other lessons have been taught to the child? You have implicitly or explicitly taught him that his grades indicate whether he is clever or stupid, better or worse than his peers. You have taught him how to fear, you have taught him how to worry, you have introduced stress into his system. All these in exchange for good grades. Does that even add up?

 

But you are like that because you have unknowingly or knowingly adopted the mentality that grades are everything. If only your child does well now in PSLE, he will also do well in Secondary school and that would mean he will do well in University and yes ultimately, that will launch your child into a successful career which equates to better life. Yet deep down, you know in reality grades don't matter that much.

 

The other belief that has silently crept into your head is that your child's grades are indicators of how smart he is. Of course, who doesn't want their child be recieved as as a smart kid? But because of your innate desire for him to be labelled as smart, you pour in a tremendous amount of your time, effort and money. All glory to you when he does well but woe to him if he fails your expectations. But truth is, with that kind of effort pour in comes along with sky high expectations and that comes with a risk of running into disappointments. And when disappointments strike you, you morphed into this furious monster. The more effort you poured into his studies, the more disappointed you will be (if he doesn't do well) and the more anger you will feel toward your child.

At the end of the day, the biggest loser is probably your child. Through it all, he would probably lose his self esteem, confidence, joy and that childhood innocence. All of that in exchange for the 'A's to be printed on his certificate and in exchange for your glory. But do you know, you will be losing more than you gain. 

 

You may fault this on the ministry. You may say that this is the MOE's doing, pushing you to resort to pressuring your child, that you had no other choice. But you know deep within that this kiasu syndrome is here to stay no matter what changes the MOE make to lessen the burden. You know that just as MOE need to change it's policy, you also need to change your mindset. Because no matter how many changes the MOE does, you will still be frantically clambering up the ladder as long as you don't shed that erroneous mentality. 

 

So Kiasu parent, cast your sight further and look long-term. The repercussions of this paper chasing, are they really worth it? Think about the long term effects it would have on your child. The effect it has on your child would be very hard, near impossible, to undo. Once that self esteem is lost, it would be challenging to get it reinstated. It would be something that you and your innocent child will have to pay for the rest of your lives. Weigh the need for flaunt-worthy certificates and your child's need to be affirmed. Which is more important?

Remind yourself that the report book doesn't unveil the other aspects of your child. His other non acamdemic talents, his curious nature, his ability to think out of the box, his street smarts, his love for animals, his kindness, his sensitivity, his spirit, his thirst for knowledge - everything that is not and cannot be measured and recorded in the report book. All that grades in the report book merely says how good he is in recalling the what has been taught. 

 

And lastly, bring yourself back to your own career paths and all those job interviews you went through. Did your PSLE scores matter? Did the interviewer ever ask you how many 'A's you have obtained in your primary school education? Would the interviewer select the candidate with the better grades over the one with the worse? Or would the employer choose the candidate that display the right attributes like honesty, self confidence and life experience for the job over the who has fabulous grades but insufficient experience?

Schooling is not about earning perfect grades. It is about accumulating life experiences. This journey is not just for gaining knowledge but picking up life skills like respondsibility, resilience- learning to pick oneself up and press up despite a failure, teamwork, learning about hard work, building friendships and life time experiences.

Make a conscious effort to squash all the paper chasing mindset. Tell yourself what is more important is those that cannot be quantified. Today, renew your mind and give your child a tight hug, no matter his results. Tell him nevertheless, you still love him. This alone will propel him confidently into this world more than good grades can ever do. 

Love,

Fellow comrade. 

Preparing for exams

The mid year examination is looming over our heads (for the parents of primary school going kids). Some are starting this week or have started or going to start. I am going to share on how to prepare for the examinations. I know today's topic may be a tad too late but oh well. I have been meaning to write this earlier but mummy duties kept me away from this blog.

 

I dare not profess myself to be an expert in this area since I have seen my son gone through only one exam so far (this would be our second).  But like most moms out there, I have picked up a few personal tips and this time round I am more armed than the last time. So today, I am sharing my personal tips on how to prepare for the exams. Here goes:

 

1) Check the school's exam format

 

Every school have different exam format. Some may have similar format as that of the assessment books, others have a totally different format altogether. I suppose for Math and English and Science are generally the same. But if you compare your school's Chinese exam format it greatly differs from school to school. Don't believe me? Just download the free test Chinese papers online from the various schools and you would know what I mean.

 

When I started revising Chinese with my son, I made him learn how to write the words on vocabulary list on every chapter. But one day, I got hold of his school's format and lo and behold, I found out that not a single section on the exam paper requires him to write the words. After studying the format, it soon occurred to me that it is more important that he knows the meaning of the words in the textbook. It is also paramount that he is strong in his word recognition, sentence structure and learning the Hanyu Pinyin. Imagine if I had spent the whole time revising with him on writing and lesser time on understanding the words, he would probably have struggled in the exams. So immediately, I changed our revision tactic and went through with him the vocabulary from each chapter and making sure that he understood what the newly introduced characters.

 

That's why studying the exam format is important because it helps you to know how to revise. Like the example given above, the exam format would have given you an idea what areas to focus on and what not to.

 

 

2) Find out what is going to be tested

 

I have shared above on how to revise, now the next tip is to find out what to revise for. This is obvious right? We need to know what chapters and topics are going to be tested for there is no point studying chapters that will not appear on the exam paper.

 

One thing I wish to highlight here is English revision. I assume some parents would shove English assessment books to their children to do as a revision. However, I have a different view on this. Your child can do the assessment book from cover to cover but it may be a waste of time in the end. Let me explain by giving an example.

 

In every English paper there would be a synthesis and transformation section. Now, there is a wide range of synthesis and transformation questions. I have done a quick research and realised that there is not a single assessment book that has all the synthesis and transformation questions; it is quite impossible for one book to cover all the topics- there is just too many. So let's say you gave your child an assessment book on synthesis and transformation which she completed it. But it may be a time waster because the school may not be testing any of the questions she practiced on the assessment book but some other questions instead. Same goes for grammar and the vocabulary.

 

Instead of  blindly throwing a myriad of assessment books to them, look up what the school would be testing and then sieve out the English assessment books that covers the same areas that the school papers would be testing. Giving them stacks of assessment books does not necessary help them better their school exams. We need to strategically give them the right resources.

 

3) Identify your child's weakness

 

Another no brainer tips- spend more time on areas where your child is weaker at and just run through those that he is strong at. For instance, my son is pretty strong in word recognition (for Mandarin) but weak in comprehension. So instead of spending his time on revising his word recognition, he spent more time in learning the meaning of the words and practising on his comprehension.

 

One of my quickest way to identify my son's weakness is to look through his school worksheets. From there I not only know what he's weaknesses are, I would also be able to detect which areas he is most careless at. I looked through his Math worksheets, I was able to tell that he tends to copy the wrong answer from his working to the main answer. With that knowledge I am more equipped in knowing how to help him improve.

 

4) Practise on past year papers

 

I think the best is to get hold of your own school's past year papers. For one, the child would be able to familiarise himself with the school's testing style. Also, sometimes the schools have a habit of asking the same questions year after year. Hence, practising the paper may somewhat give the child a head start.

 

If not, then download the free past year papers from other schools online. It may not be similar to your school papers but by practising the papers, you would be able to identify your child's bad exam habits. Thereafter, helps you to correct them.

 

From marking his work on these papers, I have discovered that Sonshine has a bad habit of answering comprehension questions out of his own experience and understanding rather than according to the passage. Sometimes he's answers make a lot of sense if one does not read the passage. But if one refers to the passage, you would know his answers are not drawn from the given story. The other thing I found out was that he likes to assume that the answer to the last comprehension question comes only from the last paragraph of the passage. It is true MOST of the time but not all. Good thing is that I am now aware of it and I can correct his bad habits before the actual exams.

 

So here are my 4 tips on how to prepare for exams. I may have more but for now I'll make do with these. Of course, the number one rule for revising exams is to start early but often very hard to do. Better yet, make revision a consistent and everyday ritual rather than waiting at the last minute.

 

As they say, the students have to study smart. Remember it is not about the hours put in for revision or the number of assessment books one does. He can clock the highest number of hours and assessments books completed but still do poorly; mostly because he didn't study smart i.e. focusing on the wrong areas. Like I said, as parents we cannot simply hand them a stack of assessments and what-nots for revision. We need to be strategic in giving them the right resources to help them in their revision (I know I am repeating this but its so good that its worth saying it twice).

 

So all the best to all the students taking the exams and all ye parents too. May we keep calm and mother on come what may! O_O

 

 

Disclaimer: I will be the last to claim that these are fail-proof tips. Heck, I am not even confident about my son's performance this exam. Ultimately, it depends largely on them, their mental capacity, their desire to perform, their mood and so on. But we can still offer them what we can.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Puzzle craft

Waiting for the brother to end his tuition class can be dreadfully boring for a 5 year old. In order to kill that 1.5 hours of wait, I would often bring stuff out to entertain her. From books to coloring to worksheets, anything and everything!

 

Yesterday, we did something quite different and fun. Doll dug out my old purchase from Daiso and begged me to let her have a go at it. And I thought why not? We needed to entertain ourselves anyway.

 

 

 

If you have been to Daiso, you may have seen this peculiar looking product. It is usually located where the children items are.

 

It is actually a blank 25-pieces puzzle. We can personalised the puzzle by drawing our own pictures on it. I actually bought this puzzle long ago for my numbering sequence activity. (Yes, I was being overly eager. I bought one too many :P)

 

 

I numbered each puzzle for Doll who was 2 then, to learn her number sequencing. She just had to connect the puzzles in numerical order. More about this activity at this link.

 

 

Well, it was a good thing I bought extra because we had quite an enjoyable mother-daughter time. Each set comes with two puzzles (what a steal isn't it? For just SGD$2!). So, she drew on one and I drew on the other. This mama also needs to kill time you know?

 

She drew a picture of herself and me. I apparently have a yellow face. :I

She made a mistake with the green marker and I told her she could use her imagination to try to correct her mistake. She doodled and finally drew up a table (looks more like a cradle to me). But. I am happy she learnt that she could recreate something else over her initial mistake.

 

And ta-da! My cute penguin drawn by yours truly :D.

 

After ink dried, she took it out and tried to build the puzzles with her friend.

 

Now make a guess which of the two was the harder puzzle to piece up?

Paper Quilling at the Gardens

Last weekend,  we were invited for some craft fun at the Gardens. I rarely accept such invitations but I plunged into this event because I felt that the activity was right up my Doll's alley. And boy, was I right!

 

For the craft, we were given a packet of colorful paper strips and a picture relating to nature. The craft we were invited to do was Paper Quilling- something very new to us. 

Basically, you take a strip of paper and roll it into a coil. The coil can later be manipulated into more complex shapes. But Doll wasn't that adventurous. She insisted on just doing basic coil. 

Next, simply glue the coil onto the picture. Keep doing till you get the results you want.

Here's my daughter's piece of art. I was struggling within me with her choice of colors. I just could not take her random selections. I also felt my soul cringed as she scribbled some irrelevant drawings on the paper. But ah, why stifle the child's creativity? It's her work not mine, I told myself. So I held back and allowed her to flow. 

More importantly, Doll had a whale of a time. She chimed continuously that Paper Quiling is so fun! I've had a fantastic time myself. Not only did  I learn a new craft, I had the chance to bond with my daughter over an activity we both enjoyed. 

This craft and fun activity was held to promote the Garden Shop's new initiative- The Book Bank. This is its bid to cultivate the love for reading in the little ones- and what better place to enjoy a good book than the Gardens.

The book bank is a book corner where visitors can drop a book and pick up another book in exchange. Also, if you are looking for a place to donate your books- look no further. The Book Bank is located next to The Garden shop at Tanglin Gate.

I totally embrace this new intiative! We frequent Botanic Gardens but we are often torn apart. While the daughter loves to take a stroll through the garden, my son is the complete opposite. (He gets bad allergic reactions from insect bites which he is prone to get.) So while one takes her walk in the premise, the other hangs around the Garden shop until she returns.  Waiting can be boring. So I'm happy with this newly introduced book bank as it is sure to keep him occupied the next time we visit again.

Thank you Singapore Botanic Gardens for the invite and the thoughtful initiative!

Sentence Analysis (Montessori)

I have read about sentence analysis or some might call it, sentence diagramming, a long time back. But at that time, I had no idea how to do it and what was the purpose of it, despite reading about it up teen times.

 

Recently, I looked it up again because I wanted Sonshine to learn more about sentence structure. I find that our schools don't take enough time to teach the students about proper sentence structures. In fact, our students are made to dive right into writing a story even before they truly know how to compose proper sentences. Hence, many are left to guess or go by their 'feel' when it comes to writing. I am a living product of this education, sometimes I just know a sentence is wrong because, it just 'sounds' wrong. I don't really know why nor can I explain it. And that's why my grammar is so bad.

 

So I went researching and sentence diagramming appeared on my screen. This time, I studied it thoroughly. Something must have changed in me like maybe I got smarter over time (yah right!), this time, I understood sentence diagramming perfectly. I was blown by it and even had loads of fun learning how to diagram sentences.

 

That said, while I have finally have the know-how in sentence analysis, I am still not clear what is the true objective of it.

 

In her book 'Writing with Ease', Susan Wise Bauer believes that to write well, the student needs to know put his ideas into order. She feels that diagramming will help the student in this aspect. There are other benefits of diagramming, raised by others. You can research more here if you like. But of course, there are also the detractors who feel that it is unnecessary.

 

Well, it did help me to 'see' the relationships of the words and phrases in a sentence better. Also, I do feel that I am more equipped to understand complex sentences now that I know how to diagram sentences.

 

But what bugs me is that I fail to understand how diagramming can help to improve writing and correct grammar? I still have not figure this out yet at this point. This was the reason why I toiled and wondered if I should teach Sonshine this, because if it doesn't help in writing, then why bother learning?

 

In the end, I made the decision to teach him for one simple, and probably shallow, reason- because it is fun. I have decided that anything else that comes with it is added bonus. But like I said, I have discover some of the benefits of diagramming and so I do think it is good for one to know this skill.

 

After that much blabbering, what exactly is sentence diagramming or sentence analysis? It is essentially graphing out a sentence or breaking it down into parts. If you want to know more, you can google for it and many articles will show up to fill you in. It is essentially an American 'thing'. Apparently, the American students in the past were made to learn this but not so much now.  

 

So, I shall now present how one can diagram a sentence using Montessori method. Note I am not following the authentic way but you will get the idea. To do the following you need to have a set of Montessori sentence analysis symbols. You can download this for free here.

 

First let's take a look at this sentence: 

 

 

 

Read the sentence and identify what is the predicate; what is the main action of this statement?

 

You should have picked out 'read'. 'Read' being the main action is called the predicate (of this sentence).

 

Place black arrow indicating 'Who is that? What is that?' on the left side of the predicate. Ask the child, who or what is doing this action?

 

 

It is 'I' who is executing the action 'read'. Hence 'I' makes the subject of this statement.

 

Next, place the black arrow 'Whom? what?' on the right side of the predicate. Ask the child what is the subject reading?

 

The subject is reading 'a book' and that makes the direct object of the sentence.

 

By now, the chart should look like this.

 

The phrase 'at home' is the only one left uncharted. Take the orange arrow 'where?' and place it under the predicate. Ask the child 'where is the subject reading the book?'

 

The answer is 'at home' which is the preposition object of the sentence.

 

Your final chart should look like this.

 

Here's another example:

 

The final diagram of the second sentence.

 

These sentences are fairly simple and easier to chart. It gets more complicated and fun with more complex sentences (like complex or complex- compound sentences) and more challenging if we  further diagram the words by adjectives, prepositions, articles etc. What I showed earlier is a fairly simple version of it.

 

You may be surprise to know that I didn't do the above presentation to my son. In fact, I taught him another diagramming method.

 

If you google 'sentence diagram' you will see images like this:

 

Image source

 

And that was how I taught my son. This site gave the best and most detailed explanation on how to diagram sentences. I even picked up grammar terms like predictive nominative and predictive adjective, auxiliary modifiers etc - I never knew!

 

I only started to give my son  a quick15 minutes lesson on this. I don't plan for him to be an expert in this but I do want him to be familiar with this as I am slowly recognizing how it can be useful in helping the write sort out his ideas in order as Susan Wise Bauer has said. It does help the writer to structure the sentences properly.

 

Phew, this is probably my longest ever. But I sure had a lot of fun reading; learning and sharing about this!

The teens and the tens

It is time!

 

It is time to take out my Montessori sets before it turn into dust and before Doll has no use for it! :D

 

I decided to teach Doll all about teens and the tens.

 

Actually I sort of already taught her before but this is just to reinforce her learning.

 

Note, I may not necessarily follow the authentic Montessori way in presenting but it works anyway.

 

 

 

First, we take out our tens beads. Doll determines that there are ten yellow beads strung together in a set.

 

 

Then we lay out the ten beads beside our teen board accordingly.

 

 

Next, we determine the number of beads in each colour set. For instance, the red set has just one bead, the green set, 2 beads, the pink, 3 beads and so on.

 

 

 

With our attention back to our teen board, we slide the '1' on the '10'. Here's where I tell Doll that 10 and 1 makes 11. I show her the 'magic' as I place the '1' on top of the '10'.

 

I also place a red bead, representing one, below the ten yellow beads. I counted them and determined that there 11 beads altogether. And again I told her that 10 (point to the yellow beads) and 1 (point to the red bead) makes 11. I do the same for 12 and the rest of the teens.

 

 

And we continue with the rest (here I only show up to 15).

 

At the end of the session, I randomly queried her how many does 10 and 3 makes or 10 and 5 makes etc, just to check if she understood what was presented. Sometimes, during our day to day I will also throw these questions at her just to reinforce what she learnt.

 

 

Also, I taught her what it means by counting by tens. I used my trustee ten boards. I showed that one ten makes ten, two ten makes twenty (and I counted each bead to show her that) and so on.

 

As with the teens lesson, I would ask her how many does 5 tens make or 7 tens make etc.

 

 

Next, as with the teen boards, I showed her that 40 and 3 makes 43. First we lay out 4 tens yellow beads and a 3 beads set.

 

 

I slide the 3 over the 40 and showed her that 40 and 3 makes 43. We counted the beads and determine that indeed 4 tens and 3 bead makes 43 and so on.

 

These activities are great for the child to learn place value. With these visual aids, it would be easier for the child to understand the place values later on.

 

And here's how I taught my pre-schooler all about the tens and the teens. :)

 

If you would like to know more here's a link on the know-hows and even how to DIY.

 

http://livingmontessorinow.com/2013/09/02/montessori-monday-diy-montessori-teen-and-ten-boards/

 

 

Are we raising one-track minded children?

Sonshine recently brought home a math worksheet. One of the question was an algebra type of a problem sum. 

The student is required to solve the question by drawing out models. In this particular question, two blank equations were printed on the given space and Sonshine had to fill in the blanks with the correct workings. In order words, it has been depicted for him that he has to use a specific method to solve the question. 

Sonshine solved it. BUT...

He couldn't cough out that two equations that was demanded upon him. He used another method to crack the problem which explains why he couldn't produce that particular two equations required. 

In the end, I had to teach him the method that the educators WANT him to use to solve this question. And so he did. He produced the exact workings in perfect order that the markers wanted to see. 

This got me asking why is our education system so fixated on using ONE set method to solve a problem. Here is a child who is able use his own creative thinking skills to solve the problem. And on the other side, we have educators who insist on the students using their one and only method to solve the questions. 

I'm quite certain that if he had handed in the answer without the workings, he would have been penalised- never mind that he got the right answer. Because it was clearly stated that the student has to use that particular way (aka two step equation) to solve the question. 

We should be applauding him for demonstrating creative thinking skills. But instead, we penalize him for not using THE specific method that WE want. 

Why does it bother me? Because I fear over time he learns that it's not acceptable to think out of the box; that over time his thinking process gets boxed in and he may lose that ability to think beyond the textbooks. 

Recently, an article tracked down the adults who were child prodigies. It wanted to see how these kids were faring as adults. Sad to say, only one percent were making breakthroughs in their line of work while the rest fell short of what they were capable to do. 

And here's the quote from the article "What holds them back is that they don't learn to be original. They strive to earn the approval of their parents and the admiration of their teachers. But as they perform in Carnegie Hall and become chess champions, something unexpected happens: Practice makes perfect, but it doesn't make new.

 

The gifted learn to play magnificent Mozart melodies, but rarely compose original scores. They focus their energy on consuming existing scientific knowledge, not producing new insights. They conform to codified rules, rather than inventing their own. Research suggests the most creative children are the least likely to become the teacher's pet, and in response, many learn to keep their original ideas to themselves. In the language of the critic William Deresiewicz, they become the excellent sheep."

 

Over time, these children learn to conform their thinking process according to what the society expects them to be. They lose their own creativity and originality. And so sadly, they rarely become the best they can be.

I think our education system is heading in this direction for all our children, prodigies or not. We train the children to think in a certain manner for over ten years of their lives. We condition them to solve a problem in a specific way. We don't applaud children who are able to think differently. Instead, we reward those who can conform into the mould. We are literally raising one track minded children.

 

Yes I agree that sometimes guidelines are useful in helping the children think. But they are what they are- GUIDELINES. We have been too obsessed with sticking to the guidelines that we forget that there are other ideas that are equally effective or better yet, more ground breaking.

 

So far, I've  been pointing fingers at our education system. But us parents can also stifle our children's nature by setting too many boundaries to what they can do or cannot. Sometimes we push our children to change so that they can be more accepted socially. We tell them they have to be more vocal, to more participative because being introverts are mostly deemed as being 'weird', boys must be sporty else they are labelled as weak etc. We are essentially telling them to lose themselves and be that person the society wants them to be.  I am totally guilty of that. 

 

I have written in to his teacher and unfortunately, Sonshine was being criticised for lacking in  mathematical skills for not being able to show the workings. Well, that says a lot doesn't it?