Learn to Let Go

So we have ended our 3rd week of school. I am overwhelm and somewhat disturbed. I'll tell you why.

 

Since the start of school, I've been 'mom-working' as in 'networking'. I got to know some moms and even rejoin groups of moms with Primary one kids. Having hear them share their thoughts on their worries, concerns and seen them hovering about their kids- I am rather disturb.

 

I don't know. Perhaps I have been (positively) influence by SMB moms such as Evelyn and Rachel. Because of them, I adopted a 'let go' mindset. Meaning, I made a conscious effort to not be a helicopter parent and let my soon to be 7 year old manage his own school life. I thought this was the same with other parents but I was wrong.

 

Over the weeks, I've heard/seen parents hijacking the teachers and anxiously requesting the teachers to 1) change their kids' seating arrangement because of a bully, 2) rearrange the entire classroom arrangement just for their child because he keeps tripping at his seat, 3) help remind the kids to bring their own belongings home, 4) remove fans because their kids are too cold, 5) track down a piece of paper that their child lost in school and... I'll stop here least I reveal my own identity. Typically, they act like their child is the only one in the school and give no thoughts to the rest of students in class.

 

I think I have rolled my eyeballs a thousand times these past weeks. I wish I can tell these parents in their faces: 'LEARN TO LET GO!'. Many don't seem to understand that this is Primary school, it is a different era from Kindergarten. Yet, many are treating the primary school teachers as kindergarten teachers, expecting the teachers to hover around their kids and still hold their hands.

 

'But but but... you don't understand! My child is like this...my child doesn't know that...' I understand! I have the same set of worries and concerns- I am also a parent new to this experience! But I also understand that the teachers have 30 over other fidgety kids of varying temperaments and quirks to manage. And so, I don't expect the teacher to drop her attention on the other 29 just so she can focus on my ONE child.

 

So what do I do?

 

I teach my child independence as best as I can. I try not to depend on the teacher for trivial matters. My philosophy is: If he is capable to do something then let him do it himself. I will not step in to help him nor will i email the teacher to help him. I give him advice on how he can handle the situation- and the rest is up to him. He is old enough to manage most situations.

 

So your kid keeps forgetting to bring his communication book home? Don't tell the teacher to remind your child, you should teach & help him to remember! So, your kid keeps tripping, help your child to figure out other ways to prevent from himself from tripping. Your kid is too cold in the class? Get him a jacket instead of asking the teacher to remove the fan! There's a bully in the class? It's the perfect opportunity for the child to learn how to stand up for himself  and to learn to be more tolerant of others.

 

What kind of parent are you? The overly protective type or the type who's raising independent kids? There's a saying, "Don't fish for your kids, teach them how to fish". I see benefits in that, because I can be assured that even when I am not around, I know my child can take care of himself.

 

I could go on but you get my drift. I know parents are worried that their child will suffer dire consequences but sometimes, it is better to let them go through it. This way they will learn the effects of their choices. To me, this is the BEST time to let them rough it out. This is time to where there's still allowance for them to make mistakes, falter and learn. I rather they learn now then to make these mistakes in adulthood where there will be little tolerance.

 

Think about it, what kind of parents do you want to be?